Kicks

I am supposed to be studying for my two finals tomorrow, but you had to know that wouldn't happen.
Instead I wrote something... It will become a song once I learn how to play guitar haha, as of right now when I am stranded and guitarless I guess it is just a poem.

This is about one of my best friends, though not really. I would always stay up late and talk to him about my drama and he was a great comfort to me but meanwhile he was spiraling out of control himself and though I tried I couldn't really help him, he is a self destructive person.
So:

Kicks and...

He’s like a gentle breeze gone wrong
he wants but won’t push on
He warned I shouldn't dwell too long
On the worries in my head
“they will try to kill you” he said

And I wrote us such a story
and I hoped you felt the same
I knew you didn’t choose me
but I thought that that would change

Kicks and Giggles
and I think he dreams of skinny dipping
I told them you’re my soul mate
they told me that was strange
Insomniac
you saved me
I wish you could say the same

I liked having my hope restored
at the other end
of another long line.

I still remember his tortured dream
Until his dream became a party
and his life a twisted thing
I asked “where will you be in the next ten years?”
He says "I never felt I’d make it farther than here"

Kicks and Giggles
and I think he dreams of skinny dipping
I told them you’re my soul mate
they told me that was strange
Insomniac
you saved me
I wish you could say the same

Step back, hold on,
don’t be too lame to go for what you want
He lives at home
with his mom and his dad and stupid beer love

how long
will I wait for him
to come back to my side?
To come back to our side?

Kicks and Giggles
and I thought he dreamed of really living
I knew he was my soul mate
but now that seems so strange
Maniac
You saved me
In ways I can’t explain.

I wish that you had stayed the same
I wish that you were safe again

Kicks and Giggles
and you’ll always be my living angel


Its rough but if you knew him like I did you might get it. :) He has a nickname "Giggles" because he used to always say "for kicks and giggles" so yeah... that where that came from...

Its a Beautiful Morning

Wow, can you say good day?
yes.

I'm just in a good mood right now I guess. I was packing and doing my thing, it was pretty standard. However, today was my last day of art class! Hallelujah, I did like the things I was learning about but I could not stand the way the teacher conducted the class, it was awful. If you criticized the artwork you would get a bad grade and if you praised it you would get a good grade... that is not ok. Its art, not science, it is open to interpretation, if I don't think pictures of puppies on a blog is art that is my prerogative, but who cares anymore? Cause that class is gone!

Also, there was a theme dinner in the dining hall tonight which featured chocolate fondue... meaning I had chocolate covered strawberries which means my day could be nothing but perfect. If that wasn't enough... the Starbucks in the library is giving away free coffee during finals week... FREE COFFEE! Do days get better, I don't believe so. My wedding day will be filled with coffee and chocolate covered strawberries, just you wait.

I have nothing to actually write about... I need to study for my final tomorrow! I just realllly don't want to. :(

The pleasure that is in sorrow is sweeter than the pleasure of pleasure itself

-Percy Bysshe Shelley

Wasted

Hey,

I had such an unbelievable time filming Unborn. I was so nervous about my scene on Monday because it was so emotional but it went well.

I did not get tears from myself but I am pretty sure I saw one of the crew members sniffling :)
I was so lucky with the cast and crew. One of the crew members told us that our performances were amazing and the best of the shoot. Wow. I think a lot of that reaction is for Joe, the guy who played Tim because he was incredible!

That was a moment I really needed, it was so encouraging and it got me so hyped up. Another incredible thing that happened was that Joe said he would take my headshot into his commercial agent because I had a "good commercial look" ... but he isn't because I am moving in a week... one week.

So I drove home from the shoot at 4am feeling really hyped up and excited about acting and the great experience I had gotten. However, then I came to realization that I am leaving, and its like I am realizing it all over again, realizing what I have to give up. Sure there are jobs in Wisconsin/Illinois but it isn't where my heart is. I felt so close and then it was taken away.

Its hard to feel myself taking a step back, but I know I will push forward because its what I need to do. I will finally get in shape and save up all my money, no more of my stupid spending habits :) I will go to school pretty much year round and do anything I can to advance my career in Wisconsin and then once I am a more developed performer I will go on my way. That was a run on sentence I am sure but thats the way my mind is working right now

I sent out some resumes to the Twilight producers haha, I would definitely fly back out in a heartbeat if given an opportunity. I also wrote some pretend sides that I will maybe record and send in in a month or so if I can't get a demo reel together.

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I just watched a video of Taylor Swift from dateline and I am so in love with that girl! I totally understand who she is, she is the blond and musical version of me, and that inspires me a lot, she had the same kind of passion and drive and it got her where she is. Plus she sang part of a HANSON song in it which is amazing! My sisters and I always saw her commenting about them but we weren't sure if she actually knew their new music. She does! :) She should be my best friend.

I am so jealous of her but in a good way.

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This is one of the moments in life that every second I don't spend working toward my goal is wasted.

Ironically the past three days have been slept laying around when not filming, but I didn't get back from filming until 6am on Tuesday and then I had to go to class so that is my excuse.

I just can't believe I'm leaving in a week. I don't know how I am going to get my stuff to Wisconsin!

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My old high school is putting on a winter musical and I am thinking of volunteering to help direct or do anything behind the scenes. At the same time though I am no so sure about going back to working on my high school shows because I feel like its not where I belong anymore.

Beware of undertaking too much at the start. Be content with quite a little. Allow for accidents. Allow for human nature, especially your own.

-Arnold Bennett

On Set

Hello!

I am typing this up while sitting around on set. So yes this is a student film from San Diego that I am working on, titled “Unborn.” My call had been at 6, but because of the rain and winds traffic was bad so I got here around 630... However, I wasn’t late because they pushed call back to 8 because of the weather. So I have been doing some homework and now here I am.

So horror of all horrors, I totally forgot about an essay I have due tomorrow in my 8am class. Let me do the math for you... I am probably going to be here at least until 130, then I will drive home for 2 hours arriving around 330, I will then proceed to write my essay for at least an hour then sleep for 2 hours... That is my optimism talking though.
I can’t write my essay here because I don’t have the book or the prompt..

The joys of acting :) I can’t lie though I love when my acting job runs into the night so I am not too upset about it. I do wish I had wifi here though so I could do something other than Astronomy homework, but then again I really need to get it done eventually as next week is finals.

I have no idea when we are going to start filming... it is 830 now... hopefully by 9 but who knows? I think everyone is here but they are setting things up.

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FILMING

Saturday I filmed the first half of my scene. It went well. The cast and crew are great, I feel a lot more at ease here than I did with the Penny when it comes to small talk. With the Penny everyone had at least one family member there and they were working together a while before I came on set so I felt a little like an outsider, here everyone was more talkative and inclusive. On the other hand, The Penny had a very different atmosphere, it was calm and smooth, here everyone is pushing for time, a lot of pressure is on the actor for getting the job done in one take because they are on a way tighter schedule. Both atmospheres are fun though, this one is a student film so the workers aren’t as experienced and its fun to be figuring things out with them, I feel more comfortable to put my two cents in about issues that come up. I am so excited to see the finished product of both of these, and to my disdain so is my family. I will need to see them first to make sure I don’t stink :)

Today I am a little psyched out because the pressure is on me, Saturday it was all about Tim’s character and his emotions today it turns around to me and after seeing his amazing performance I am a little wigged out that I won’t match up. Then again, that tension may help me with the dramatic aspect.

Saturday was awesome except, I am wearing a hospital gown in this... and I didn’t bring shorts so that made it a little awkward, I taped the gown shut though so that much was ok. I had a pregnancy belly which was fun, we had to tape it down to make it smaller which was pretty funny. Also I had my tennis shoes on the whole time. I was a pretty silly looking person that day. So today, I have shorts and more appropriate shoes because I don’t believe my shoes were seen at all in the footage yesterday.

Today is a day where the advice “always bring your make up” came in handy because the make up artist will probably be a no-show due to the weather.

I have probably rambled on for far too long but thats what happens when sitting around doing nothing, so yeah, hope you enjoyed this... I will probably add more in a little bit but I am eating pizza.

A Plan

Hey All

Tomorrow I am going down to San Diego to film! Call is at 430 and I can't wait!

One thing I am excited about is that they are putting me up in a hotel because I am a couple hours from San Diego and I am going to be filming Saturday and Sunday. Something about that makes me happy, it just feels more legit for me to actually go on a little trip to work on a project, I feel like a professional, which I guess I am at this point, right?

The other day I talked with the director for a little while about my character and he told me something interesting that really changes a lot about the meaning behind my lines. In the film I am a 17 year old girl getting an abortion, who changes her mind about it in the end. I assumed that it was just a mistake she had made with her boyfriend and that she was young and naive. The director told me that he imagined that my character had actually been assaulted and that is why her decision to keep the child is so monumental. Also there is a lot of interesting moments between her and the character Tim, such as him touching her stomach while urging her to reconsider that now have a new significance, she doesn't trust him and is terrified of being taken advantage of again.

WOW, can you say drama, this is so intense and I hope that my performance can live up to that, my character has such a roller coaster experience in this and I want to do it justice.


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I just finished my last Art homework of the semester and am sooooooo excited about that! I will have finished all of my finals by a week from tuesday. The downside to that is that two days after that I am going home to Wisconsin and not coming back for a while. I still haven't heard from the universities that I applied to for next semester but I still am hoping to get in somewhere.

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UGLY BETTY

Today I watched an episode of Ugly Betty, I had never seen the show before but it went on after a show me and my friends were watching about the Princess and the Frog. The ironic thing is that in the episode we watched there was a girl that I have met! Actually, she was in Beauty and the Beast with me back in Wisconsin. I remember I saw her once on a show on the Style Network and I thought it was so cool. Now I saw her on this!

This is something that really urges me on, because she was doing theater in Verona just a few years ago and now she is doing it, getting herself out there! It was by no means a huge role but it was still something and thats what it is all about.

I didn't really get to know her, she is fairly older than me, at the time I was a freshman in high school and she was at least a couple years into college if not older. I am also not in contact with her, but I am definitely rooting her on! She was amazing as Belle and she also reminds me extraordinarily of my cousin. :)

Here is a link to her page on imdb.com :

Liz Holtan

One thing I actually kind of love about this business is the unknown veterans of performance, there is such an emphasis on whether or not you have "made it" and while for the moment some 'stars' may only have 2 or 3 movies on their resume, there are some people out there who are unheard of and yet have hundreds of credits to their name. People always say "it is so hard to get work there is so much competition," while that may be true, it also depends on your standards, if you just want to do it, you can, if you are always trying to reach that fame and fortune, great! But you can't expect it to happen tomorrow, its all about the little jobs along the way.

Complexity creates a maze between you and success. Simplicity ensures a clear line of sight.

-Lee J. Colan

Celebration!

YAY
Ok so I am procrastinating more, I admit it!

I just wanted to shout out because I have had 50 separate viewers and over 200 views total!
While I know half of them are me looking at my blog from different internet connections around campus I still think its awesome!
I am also sure that most people have simply been counted while flipping through pages by hitting the "next blog" button, but again, I don't care.

I am happy about it so anyone else out there should be too!

PS. I would love it if someone wanted to comment on my blogs, you are definitely free to!

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So, today... I did some homework, had to turn down some auditions because I am moving home :( and sat around.

I may film tonight, but its getting kinda late for it I think, he was saying we would start around 9 but it is supposed to be in San Diego which is about two hours from here... so yeah not so much as it is 7 here.

Who knows, it may still happen.

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I am going to try to convince my sister to go to a Nick Jonas concert... It would be awesome.

I am a closet Jonas fan. I love Hanson so I feel almost traitorous, but its all good, and I'm sure my sister will go for it.

It will be in Milwaukee on January 20th, about the time I will get depressed that CSULB's semester is beginning.

I hope I get to go to it! Then again, I don't have money... but Christmas is before the concert... so there ya go.

I always like to look on the optimistic side of life, but I am realistic enough to know that life is a complex matter.

-Walt Disney


Thank you for reading!!

Procrastination

Oy,

So I am behind on my homework! :)
I always am, but still.
I would love to write in here and to read Auditioning and New Moon, however, I should probably work on school work.

Bummer

So I have:
Astronomy Lab- Report
Astronomy- Chapter HW
History- Decision to Drop the Bomb and Watergate reading, essay
Art- everything... portfolio #3 due on Sunday

meh
here I go.

Talk to ya later hopefully.

"Work is a necessary evil to be avoided."

-Mark Twain