We're far beyond the place that we started

So my day off today was pretty good.

I woke up, did pilates and showered...


I then began work on my Shakespeare monologue. I did basic breathing exercises and vocal warm ups. I read through my shakespeare monologue using my best projection. I then did an over enunciated run through of it. After that I read through it following the pattern of iambic pentameter to find where the accents are meant to lie. That really warmed me up and got me in the flow of things.
Having warmed up and worked out the kinks in the monologue I started applying the 12 steps of the ivana chubbuck technique. The one I felt had the greatest impact was substitution. I know it is cliche but I made my confession of love be about acting. I have never experienced passionate love for another person so I worked with what I have and it worked. I suddenly felt emotionally involved and found new significance to some of the lines. I need to work through the scene further tomorrow with the same steps in order to firmly plant the ideas in my head. It felt like I was juggling too many ideas around in the end.
I filmed my monologue after a few hours of working with it. I think it shows some interesting changes but it is still not at the level I would like it to be. I think just a fresh start will help. I think I was too drained of energy from working with the same piece for so long.



After that I had lunch and read some more of An Actor Prepares, which I finally really started reading yesterday. It was a lot about physicality and releasing tension which I think is a good thing. It also commented on people who act to show off their beauty. I feel like I do that sometimes, meaning I won't give myself over completely to an expression before I look at myself in the mirror making the expression and tweak it so that it looks both pretty and realistic enough. This is a trap a lot of people fall into. I think my worst habits are ones that I actually picked up by watching certain actresses and unintentionally mimicking them. For example, the Olsen twins. They are gorgeous but they move their mouths and talk in a way that doesn't actually seem natural and true, its entertaining but not real. Nothing against them, I am totally in love with them and still watch their movies every easter (I don't know why easter...its just something I do).

After that I decided to start work on my voice. I sang out a few lines from a taylor swift song and was pleased with the result. I sing along to TSwift a lot in the car so my voice is very comfortable with her songs. I also worked on the Wicked song The Wizard and I. I think it went well but I couldn't get one solid take of it. I will try again tomorrow I think. I went to a work picnic and when I got home I did vocal singing warm ups and tried to tackle the song On My Own. I have always gone back to that song but I never feel completely comfortable with it. I think I have gotten closer today than ever before. I should definitely keep working with it. I also picked up my guitar again, but I couldn't find my tuner or capo which limited the number of songs I could play.



So that was my day off during which I focused on acting.

Making a success of the job at hand is the best step toward the kind you want.

-Bernard Baruch

Why? What does it matter?

I am going crazy!

I keep hearing about these amazing opportunities and I'm at that point of just waiting. Trying to be patient...but it is quite difficult.

I can't wait until I finally have a day off tomorrow and the next day. I will basically be having an acting bootcamp. I have books I need to read, excericise I need to do, monologues I need to practice, vocal excericises I need to do, guitar to practice and other various things. I'm hoping this will keep my mind off of the AMAZING opportunity I just found and am hoping to hear back on.

Of course I have to be sceptical because... I mean... if its too good to be true it probably isn't.

Anyways, the Vault contest ended on Saturday, but still no news. I know they said they had just finished a round of casting so maybe that explains the silence. The thing that sucks about this is that they make it sound like almost everyone is getting cast, so it makes it that much more depressing if you dont haha. Ah well. I am still iffy on the financial issue and who knows if I would actually be able to end up doing it in the end. I do have a sister getting married in Florida soon and school starting, both of which things are quite expensive... of course I could always hope that something comes up which makes the school issue go away.

"I don't think I can play any other way but all out. I enjoy the game so much because I'm putting so much into it."

-George Brett

Where did it start?

Hey there...

I can't seem to stay away for more than two minutes of late. So in case you haven't noticed, I want to be an actress. So I guess I will tell you how I got myself into this whole mess.

When I was in middle school I was (and still am) OBSESSED with Harry Potter. Trully. I sooo wanted to play Hermione not because I ever even thought of being an actress, but just because I wanted to be her. Well, clearly it was a little late to do that. First off, the Harry Potter producers made the decision not to cast American kids, and second because I was too young. I'm about a year younger than Emma Watson so I would have been 8 when they started filming.

So anyway, I guess that wanting to be in Harry Potter in general was my first step to becoming an actress. Second was my dream of meeting the stars, particularly Tom Felton :p I was obsessed cause he was a 10 year old's dream boat. I was talking to someone who I had met through a Tom Felton fan site (which was taken down because Tom Felton created an official fan site and wanted the domain name, something I will never forgive him for). Anyway, she suggested that I become an actress in order to meet him and I didn't really think about it, but I think that is what planted the seed. I was always wanting to be a part of the Harry Potter films and that seemed the only way to do it. So a couple months later I went on line and told her I had decided to be an actress and she said "hey, that was my idea" (I hadn't actually remembered that because, hey, I was 10).

So I told my family I was going to be an actress and I headed over to the half price book store and bought my first acting book. "Acting: The First Six Lessons". Maybe my dream of being an actress could have died away after I realized just how impossible it would be to get involved with Harry Potter, but it didn't because of this book. It is to this day my favorite acting book. It portrays acting as this beautiful craft that even actors foresake. It takes you back to the basics and sets impossible standards. I have yet to come anywhere close to finishing the "first lesson."

I did theater in middle school but even then I knew that was not what I wanted to be doing. High school theater, yes, but middle school? There was zero chance of that being an actual high quality performance. Other middle schoolers simply didn't understand what a serious business acting was and so would never be able to accomplish all that I dreamed of. Yes...

Well I did it anyway. It was just as crappy as I thought it would be and I did not want my family to watch it because I knew they would never take me seriously if they did. I was such a tortured child :p

SO years have gone by and acting took precedent over Harry Potter :)
Though it still is a silly old dream of mine to work with the actors from Harry Potter, and I like to believe that some day that will happen. However, as I develop as an actor I have realized that for me, it truly is about the craft. That hasn't always been the case, and I still sometimes lose sight of why I am an actress, but in the end I know my priorities are in line. I want to act because I love acting, I love the beauty behind the craft. I learn more about myself from each role I play. Fame is a means to an end. I don't think I would like being followed around and talked about like a piece of meat, but I know that fame would open the door for choice. I would be able to choose the roles I want and not be at the mercy of whatever is available. So far I have been blessed and the projects I have been a part of have been truly amazing but whenever I go to an audition I seriously think about whether or not I actually want to do the job. People tell you to take whatever jobs you can get in the begining, and I understand where they are coming from. However, I don't think I can, because my acting dream is not just to get work but to love my work and I need to put that before any dreams of success.

You may not always choose what you love, but you can choose how you love.

"To love without role, without power plays, is revolution."

Actually doing it

Hey so um remember when i said I was going to do a video of me performing something pre and post using the Chubbuck method. Well, hey, guess what!? I ACTUALLY am going to follow through on that.

So a couple days ago I recorded two monologues, one from All's Well That Ends Well, and the other from Girl, Interrupted.

Now I have been watching them and I am pretty happy overall, I mean I have recorded myself doing the Girl, Interrupted monolgue before and I think I have gotten a lot better. However, I still am not actually thrilled with my performance of that. I am really happy with the Shakespeare monologue, but I made a few mistakes and whatnot.

So I was thinking I would record them again, and here I was at work with nothing to do. I decided "oh I should use the Chubbuck technique on the monologues". So I have done it for All's Well That blahblah and... well I can't actually do it for Girl, Interrupted yet cause I haven't seen the movie, but I will. So anyway, I can't wait to post the post-Chubb videos. In the mean time here are my first drafts:

"Don't just learn the tricks of the trade. Learn the trade."

Don't Tell Me

Hey soooooo I think I have kinda sorta figured out that I could in fact move to California for a few months, it would be really tough... but it would be worth it. "Dreams come true, not free" and all. It won't be easy but its my dream, thats the best and worst thing about actors, they choose to live practically destitute because they dream of living in the lap of luxsury . Irony.

I still have to figure out the car thing, but I think that if I can get a cheap one I am good to go. Now I just have to turn my $400 into $4000 and I can get that car that I was looking at... mmm yeah... probably not gonna happen. We shall see.

Whether it happens now or not, I know I will move back out there and start living the life I have been thinking of for 8+ years. I think its a good thing that when I think of that life, I think of hard work and keeping busy, not just dwelling on the hope of getting a "big break"

Over and out

Pet Peeve

Yep, as you can see I am in another one of my frantic "I have to be acting now" modes which happen fairly often.

I have a pet peeve right now... which is:

Filmmakers not sending me copies of the project we worked on together.

I understand that Unborn probably never got finished, and thats fine, because they gave me footage for my demo reel and thats enough.

However, I am still waiting to receive a copy of The Dropout which I know is finished because... I watched it. I would really really really really love to put some footage from that on my demo reel because I was really happy with my performance, but alas here I am all forgotten. They promised they would send me one, the promised profusely. Plus, just to add to my despaire (ok I'm not actually in despair lol but this is a blog post titled "pet peeve" so I feel like I have to establish an appropriate amount of outrage to live up to it) they still have one of my shirts which I left on set. They had promised to send it along with my copy of the DVD.

Now I am "waiting, wondering, hoping" ... yup

OK. Byebye for now, my dear four subscribers who probably don't even read this blog anyway, but hey... my blog entertains me and thats enough.

Chickens and Eggs and Crap

So you know the phrase "don't count your Chickens before the eggs hatch"
I am dwelling on The Vault role because I know that if I get it I will need to completely rearrange my life. I'm always willing to do that, but there is still one issue that I can't find a solution to. It is the same problem I always have. No car. I need a car if I want to make money... I need money in order to buy a car. In Wisconsin its fine because I can borrow my family's cars but in Cali there is just my aunt and uncle's cars which I can only borrow when they don't need them, which I'm sure they usually do. I think I would regret it if I didn't take a job if it was offered to me... I'm just not so sure how practical it is.

If I could get financial aid, then I would continue classes online with the UW. I would live with my aunt and uncle. I would need to fly to Florida in early November for my sister's wedding. I would be bummed to miss Dean's wedding so I would have to try to get back for that, or maybe not leave until after that (Sept 10).

See what I mean?? I'm thinking way too much about a job that isn't even mine.

I think what it comes down to will be if I can get transportation that is reliable and how many hours of work my role would include. I obviously wouldn't move the California for 3 months to film for an equivalent of 48 hours of work... but maybe I would... what with it being my passion and all, it really depends on if my family is willing to support me financially yet again, something they do far too often. :( ugh I don't know. All I know is I want it.

"Do not try to push your way through to the front ranks of your profession; do not run after distinctions and rewards; but do your utmost to find an entry into the world of beauty"

The Vault

SO, I didn't get the part in Inside, but I did get over 1000 likes and 30,000 views! Which was amazing and the 100+ comments were awesome.

Anyway, Rachel L is the one who won and she let me know about the show The Vault which she had also been recently cast in. It looks really cool, and in a way reminds me of Inside... what with the people locked in rooms and all. It looks really high quality.

I entered to be cast and I'm waiting to hear now.

If I did get cast it would mean some series rearranging of money and time. I could move to california and live with Angie and Mike (my aunt and uncle) but I would need a car... which I don't have. Also there are two weddings coming up, one in September and one in November so I would need to be able to fly back for those.

It would be tough... but I can't help but wishing it would happen, despite the fact that it would mean me being in another situation where I will have to borrow a lot of money.

Anyways, in the mean time I recorded a couple of monologues today. I actually just memorized them today too so they were a little rough but I'm happy with them. I figured I should give the Vault casting directors more to look at when making their decision. You can check them out at my youtube channel, which you can also find at the bottom of the page on here.

Wish me a broken leg!

"On this narrow planet, we have only the choice between two unknown worlds. One of them tempts us --ah! what a dream, to live in that! --the other stifles us at the first breath. "