Where did it start?

Hey there...

I can't seem to stay away for more than two minutes of late. So in case you haven't noticed, I want to be an actress. So I guess I will tell you how I got myself into this whole mess.

When I was in middle school I was (and still am) OBSESSED with Harry Potter. Trully. I sooo wanted to play Hermione not because I ever even thought of being an actress, but just because I wanted to be her. Well, clearly it was a little late to do that. First off, the Harry Potter producers made the decision not to cast American kids, and second because I was too young. I'm about a year younger than Emma Watson so I would have been 8 when they started filming.

So anyway, I guess that wanting to be in Harry Potter in general was my first step to becoming an actress. Second was my dream of meeting the stars, particularly Tom Felton :p I was obsessed cause he was a 10 year old's dream boat. I was talking to someone who I had met through a Tom Felton fan site (which was taken down because Tom Felton created an official fan site and wanted the domain name, something I will never forgive him for). Anyway, she suggested that I become an actress in order to meet him and I didn't really think about it, but I think that is what planted the seed. I was always wanting to be a part of the Harry Potter films and that seemed the only way to do it. So a couple months later I went on line and told her I had decided to be an actress and she said "hey, that was my idea" (I hadn't actually remembered that because, hey, I was 10).

So I told my family I was going to be an actress and I headed over to the half price book store and bought my first acting book. "Acting: The First Six Lessons". Maybe my dream of being an actress could have died away after I realized just how impossible it would be to get involved with Harry Potter, but it didn't because of this book. It is to this day my favorite acting book. It portrays acting as this beautiful craft that even actors foresake. It takes you back to the basics and sets impossible standards. I have yet to come anywhere close to finishing the "first lesson."

I did theater in middle school but even then I knew that was not what I wanted to be doing. High school theater, yes, but middle school? There was zero chance of that being an actual high quality performance. Other middle schoolers simply didn't understand what a serious business acting was and so would never be able to accomplish all that I dreamed of. Yes...

Well I did it anyway. It was just as crappy as I thought it would be and I did not want my family to watch it because I knew they would never take me seriously if they did. I was such a tortured child :p

SO years have gone by and acting took precedent over Harry Potter :)
Though it still is a silly old dream of mine to work with the actors from Harry Potter, and I like to believe that some day that will happen. However, as I develop as an actor I have realized that for me, it truly is about the craft. That hasn't always been the case, and I still sometimes lose sight of why I am an actress, but in the end I know my priorities are in line. I want to act because I love acting, I love the beauty behind the craft. I learn more about myself from each role I play. Fame is a means to an end. I don't think I would like being followed around and talked about like a piece of meat, but I know that fame would open the door for choice. I would be able to choose the roles I want and not be at the mercy of whatever is available. So far I have been blessed and the projects I have been a part of have been truly amazing but whenever I go to an audition I seriously think about whether or not I actually want to do the job. People tell you to take whatever jobs you can get in the begining, and I understand where they are coming from. However, I don't think I can, because my acting dream is not just to get work but to love my work and I need to put that before any dreams of success.

You may not always choose what you love, but you can choose how you love.

"To love without role, without power plays, is revolution."